Jan 8, 2012

So we do not forget...

I must write down the story of baby Z's entrance into this world, as I know I will soon forget all the intricate details due to mommy brain and the passing of time. 
The thought of a time when I will have look back on this story and read it to remind myself of its happening is sort of sad, in a way. 

I wish I could remember all the beautiful things that happen to me, the happy things, the sad things, the ugly things I learn from. 
I wish I could remember all the things my children say, the way they look, the way they sound and smell and feel.
I wish I could remember all of the things that my husband does, that I do both wrong and right. 
The things that we promise to do, or promise not to do.

 The things that I beg myself to not forget.

But alas, our humans minds are incapable.
As time moves on, our memories fade.

I remember when I had my second baby, my Little Girl, and I when I came home from the hospital I looked at my son who came first and realized he was all of the sudden bigger. He looked so much older and I knew he would never be little again. He would just keep growing and growing and in doing so he would change until he was no longer a baby. 
He would become a child, a boy, a teenager and too soon, a man. 

I then locked myself in the bathroom and cried. 

That was a really hard time for me. 
Now I look back on that memory with fondness, as it is one that will forever be ingrained in my mind, at least one moment I will never forget. The realization that all things change and nothing stays the same. No matter how hard we all try, we can't keep our babies as babies forever, we can't freeze time and we can't have a perfect recollection of all things. 
So we try to enjoy each and every moment we have, striving to memorizing them as time quickly fleets by until all we have are the bit and pieces of our lives that we strain to remember. 

Unless of course, we write down our stories. 
We write our stories to give us vivid, detailed recollections of all the times we have spent. 
To prove to ourselves that we were here, that it happened! 
We cried, we laughed, we loved, 
we lived.
We write them so we do not forget. 

Tomorrow comes the birth story of my fourth child, my second son, my last baby.
So I do not forget.

Jan 6, 2012

Mother of four

Here I am. I'm still alive! Things have been crazy and super hectic the last few weeks. But what else did I expect?  A new baby can do that to you.

Speaking of baby, here are some pics! 

These technically are old..they were taking at 1 week. Z is 6 weeks already! I can't believe it. But he is still just as cute! (and a whole lot fatter...hee hee)

Becoming a mother of four sure has been a different experience than I thought it would be. 

Its not as hard as I thought: 
My two oldest are in school during the day, so that helps a lot when its just me, Z and baby girl at home. I can still catch a few winks during the day while Z naps and baby girl watches a movie. Also, since they two oldest are...well....older, they help me out a ton and I rely on them a lot. They LOVE, LOVE, LOVE their new baby brother and are constantly asking to hold him, so that gives me at least a few minutes to pick up something off the floor and put it away. ha ha!
He is such a good baby and hardly ever cries. He sleeps really good through the night and if I could just get myself to bed earlier, that would be a benefit to me!
I think he is going to be like his older bro and be a mellow yellow kind of a guy, which I gladly accept. 

Its waaaaay harder than I thought: 
I know, how can it be both? But it is. 
I think I was really spoiled in the fact that before I had Z, baby girl was 3 and VERY independent and my other two as well. I could do anything I wanted, leave when I wanted. The Man could stay home with the kids and I could go out with friends without anything needing my boobs two hours later. I could sit down at night and craft away, or blog, or whatever else with two hands instead of one...or none. I don't think I realized how much I enjoyed that freedom and independence. Its been a huge adjustment, one that has come with many tears and lots of anxiety. In fact, I just went out yesterday by myself with all FOUR of my babies to get some errands done. I tried soooo hard to be nice, and they tried soooo hard to be good. I still wanted to rip my hair out by the time we were done. It probably didn't help that I kept getting comments from total strangers on how many kids I had. "are they ALL yours!?" " you need to get your tv fixed!" (because we can't find anything better to do than make babies, obvi!) " Your sure do look like you've got your hands full!"   Yes, I do. Thank you and shut up.
(though, the tv comment was kind of funny when I really thought about it later!) :) 
I know in this time, having more than one or two is considered out of the norm, but I wouldn't change the decision we made to bring all of our babies into this world for anything. I have a very strong believe in the importance of families. 

Although its been easy and hard all at once, we are loving every single minute. I can't even really imagine my life now without little Z. He has brought so much joy and reminded me of why I love having babies. :)

Here are his stats from birth until now (birth story to follow this post...hopefully):
weight- 7lbs 1oz
Length: 19.25 inches

10 days:
weight-7lbs 8oz
length- 19.25 inches

1 month:
weight- 10lbs 11 oz
length- 20.25 inches

He is a chubby muffin!