Apr 14, 2012


I knew that if I gave my self a deadline, like when I said "tomorrow", I would eat my own words. Ha ha. I can never say I will do something at a certain time. Once I do I feel all sorts of pressure. I panic and I just end up disappointing myself and everyone else who is waiting for me. Its a weakness I have that I really hate.  But I miss blogging and I need to get back into the groove. When I miss posts I miss out on having my life and my families' life documented for the future. I get all flustered and and frustrated and feel like I can't go back and post about all the things that have happened since its already come and gone. 
I need to get over that. 
Do you realize I haven't even blogged about my sons baptism...and that was almost a year ago? 
yeah, bad mommy. 
How does everyone else do it? Stay so organized in their lives? 
I feel like I can barely keep my head above water these days, with everything piling up and then tumbling over on top of me. When this happens I tend to retreat from my life and just stay in bed, which makes things worse of course. I thought though, today that if I could just get writing again I could let it all out here and maybe then I could somehow find the heart to get up and get moving.

So the next few posts might be extremely personal, a little sad and might not sound like my normal self. I am a human though, I do have things happen in my life that aren't perfect. I think thats a huge part of why most of us feel this way sometimes. We see such a small part of others lives that make it look to us as though they have it all together and we suck in comparison. But I don't think they do really. I think everyone is just the same, with days they don't feel like cleaning, or cooking or doing anything. Days where they don't want to get out of bed. 
And I say thats ok.

Im sure I have written about this before, but I know its good to keep reminding myself. This is meant to be a journal and all though its public, I still want to write about all the personal things that are a big part of my life, along with all the funny and exciting things as well. I need to write about being sad. Its where I am right now. I shouldn't lock these days away deep down somewhere and forget them just so I can put on a happy face front.
It would be detrimental. 
And it wouldn't be real.

And thats what Ive always strived to be here in this space... is real.

Thanks for sticking around.


  1. love you. so much! if you need anything, let me know..i've got some sad days behind me.

  2. First off, that self portrait of you is beautiful. Second, I think we are a lot alike. Deadlines....I react the same way to them. I get depressed easily partly because I internalize everything. It has been both a blessing and a curse, but sometimes I wish I could let life roll off my shoulders and "keep on keepin on" without feeling weighed down. I think when the stress of life begins to pile up, it's good to keep things in perspective, and go easy on ourselves. The darkness won't last forever. It's what I tell myself, even when I feel surrounded by shadows. The light always comes again. Love ya.


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