Deadlines

I knew that if I gave my self a deadline, like when I said "tomorrow", I would eat my own words. Ha ha. I can never say I will do something at a certain time. Once I do I feel all sorts of pressure. I panic and I just end up disappointing myself and everyone else who is waiting for me. Its a weakness I have that I really hate.  But I miss blogging and I need to get back into the groove. When I miss posts I miss out on having my life and my families' life documented for the future. I get all flustered and and frustrated and feel like I can't go back and post about all the things that have happened since its already come and gone. 

I need to get over that. 

Do you realize I haven't even blogged about my sons baptism...and that was almost a year ago? 

yeah, bad mommy. 

How does everyone else do it? Stay so organized in their lives? 

I feel like I can barely keep my head above water these days, with everything piling up and then tumbling over on top of me. When this happens I tend to retreat from my life and just stay in bed, which makes things worse of course. I thought though, today that if I could just get writing again I could let it all out here and maybe then I could somehow find the heart to get up and get moving.

So the next few posts might be extremely personal, a little sad and might not sound like my normal self. I am a human though, I do have things happen in my life that aren't perfect. I think thats a huge part of why most of us feel this way sometimes. We see such a small part of others lives that make it look to us as though they have it all together and we suck in comparison. But I don't think they do really. I think everyone is just the same, with days they don't feel like cleaning, or cooking or doing anything. Days where they don't want to get out of bed. 

And I say thats ok.

Im sure I have written about this before, but I know its good to keep reminding myself. This is meant to be a journal and all though its public, I still want to write about all the personal things that are a big part of my life, along with all the funny and exciting things as well. I need to write about being sad. Its where I am right now. I shouldn't lock these days away deep down somewhere and forget them just so I can put on a happy face front.

It would be detrimental. 

And it wouldn't be real.

And thats what Ive always strived to be here in this space... is real.

Thanks for sticking around.