Apr 1, 2010

I would die for that.

Today I have been humbled, brought down, shamed even...in a way.

The discussion about whether or not to have a baby generated more comments than I think I have ever had on my blog. Everyone has an opinion about personal freedoms, sanity, when the time is right, how many to have, or whether or not to have another baby at all. But what if you don't get a choice? What if you didn't have the ability to even conceive? How important would having a child be to you then?

I think I take my fertility for granted.

When The Man and I decided to have our first baby (very soon after we were married) it took less than two months to become pregnant. I wanted a baby so bad. I craved to have a connection with a life that we had created together, to feel it inside me, to hold it and teach it and love it. I had known that I wanted to be a mother since I was a child myself, I felt it was my calling. Just like my own mother who had felt the same way. The difference was, it had taken them four years to conceive their first, a heartbreaking experience I have never had to go through. My consecutive two children took less than 6 months to create. And with each one, I have grown farther away from that first initial craving to more of a dull sense of responsibility and pressure to multiply and replenish.

Don't get me wrong.

I love my children. I have wanted each and everyone of them, none of them were surprises...in fact they were very well planned out at 2 1/2 years apart. :)  They are a vital part of our family and I can't imagine life without them....

But, motherhood is hard. Lots of work, little recognition. It can make the long run, big picture seem pretty obsolete.... to the point that, instead of being excited to be a part of creating a miracle from our Heavenly Father, I think up all the excuses I can to hold it off.

But what if I couldn't even have a baby?

Imagine those those feelings I described earlier about wanting my first baby going unfulfilled. Craving to have a child so badly that you would give, or do anything to be able to do so.

I came across this video today.

I watched it and cried my eyes out. Cried because of a pain I could never imagine, cried because of how selfish and ungrateful I have been for the opportunity and ability to bring Gods children to the earth, cried because I was thankful for the sweet spirits I have been charged with loving and teaching.

So ladies, go hug your children. Tell them how much you love them. Thank Heavenly Father for blessing your bodies with an amazing gift, and remember those who long to have it. Don't ever take it for granted by lettingt life get in the way of our greater purposes as women.


  1. Thanks Ash. I needed a good cry and a good reminder of how incredibly blessed I am.

  2. Yes, Thanks Ashleigh!! I get so caught up in life and frustrated because I have to pull Isaac off the oven door for the tenth time, that I forget that these children are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I'm grateful for your reminder!! What a sweet song!! It's refreshing to hear an uplifting song about something that really matters.

  3. Oh my gosh, I bawl everytime I watch this!

  4. dang Ashley! It is hard isn't it! What about the talks in conference that seemed to be especially for us? The part that caught me the most was that we "mothers" don't need to be thinking about all that we cannot do, about all the time that we need to be alone without kids! Man, what a good reminder! I found the best quote from Sister Hinckley that says "As you create a home, don't get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you or your family. Don't dwell on your failures, but think about your sucesses. HAVE JOY IN YOUR HOME.HAVE JOY IN YOUR CHILDREN. HAVE JOY IN YOUR HUSBAND. Be grateful for the journey." How about that? It hangs in my kitchen. From that, I get that, I need to think of the things that are caousing me to want to be selfish, the things that make me feel rushed & hurried (that is when I am the most impatient with my kids) and I need to get rid of them! For me right now, it is going to the Rec Center, that is wasting 3 days of the week that I could be using to love and teach my kids, I have the whole rest of my life to get into shape at the Rec, right now, I need to love my kids! I love you Ash, you're a good girl!


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